Introducing: Our New Home!

Yesterday, Rai, your Mom and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary (and you thought that your 9-month birthday was the only important thing that happened yesterday)!
After six years of marriage, there are some typical, almost natural, steps a couple takes. First, there's the baby. Check; we've got you Rai-ski! Next, is the minivan. Check; we've got our I've-got-a-few-short-months-left-in-me Nissan Sentra. Not quite as roomy as a minivan, but close.
The third key acquisition for a married couple, of course, is a house and, we are proud to announce, we have finally joined the ranks of indebted homeowners!
Living in San Francisco, we thought we could never afford a home. For many years, simple, small starter homes in need of renovation hovered in the million dollar price range. This past year, however, the housing crash has finally made it's way to The City. We've seen home prices drop significantly until, finally, there are homes in our price range. Where, in the past, $550,000 could buy you a tear-down, that same amount today can buy you a perfectly good crack house beginning it's journey on the road to gentrification!
And so, we finally found our dream home and, at $549,000, it's a downright bargain!
As the photos clearly show, it has been left virtually untouched or uncleaned since it's former life as a haven for crack addicts and heroin junkies. The tattered curtains still hang in the windows, that giant hole in the living room hardwood that was burnt out when that Bunsen burner tipped over is still there, that bathroom floor soiled for years by passed out, vomiting addicts remains, and the filthy kitchen still has dirty fingerprints and crumbs, a reminder of late night munchie runs by the home's illustrious former residents.
$549,000? What a deal! We'll take it! Bet you can't find a better deal in any other city! We're just hoping they throw in that beater of a car on the driveway so that not even one aspect of the life that was once led in this home is left to our imaginations. And, Rai, the good news is that if we leave the home as is, you'll have so much to explore! San Francisco - a home buyer's dream market!