Fatherhood

Every time I begin to think that talk radio is near its death, I tune into NPR and know that brilliant journalism still has a place on radio and, perhaps even, that this is actually journalism at its best. 'Fresh Air' is one of the programs I love most on NPR. Interviews may not be as journalistic as good news reporting is, but they still provide a perspective, even if just a small one, on the world around us.
Yesterday's 'Fresh Air' guest was comedian Mike Birbiglia. You and I, Rai, listened to this interview on our way to Baker Beach and you probably wondered why I would suddenly laugh out loud, without reason. There was reason and it was that this Birbiglia guy is hilarious!
At one point, Terry Gross asked Mike to share his feelings on fatherhood. He replied, "Being a dad has never appealed to me. It doesn't seem like a job you'd apply for. The ad would read: screaming child seeks adult man to pay for his entire life. Warning: when the child is 14 he will tell you he hates you and forget about everything you've ever done for him. Requirements: must have sex with your wife or girlfriend without birth control at least once. Also your wife or girlfriend will hate you through most of the pregnancy, for a few years afterward and intermittently for the next 20 years. Pay: no pay. Education: grade school or equivalent. Benefits: your child may bear some likeness to you. Also, if you take your child on walks, other women will be more attracted to you than you've ever experienced in your life. But you can't have sex with them unless you want your wife and children to hate you even more than they already hate you, which is intermittently or always."
Again, I burst out laughing. From the back seat, loudly, I could hear your complete silence. Looking back, I saw your beautiful, large, round eyes looking at me, your head tipped slightly to one side. It was a questioning gaze. Why was Dad laughing at that indecipherable babble on the radio? Then, your face changed. You let out a little, "Ha, ha!" smiling at me.
In that moment, I was reminded of one of the most wonderful things about being a father. Trust. The trust that you place in your mother and I is complete. If I'm laughing, then it must be funny. I trust you, Dad. Moments shared, built on that kind of trust, and the love that flows both ways are moments that cannot be quantified in any way. This afternoon, at Beach Burrito, we spoke with an employee there. He and his wife had just brought their baby boy home, too. Maybe their boy and Ko share a birthday. "Every day so far," he said, "I've thanked my son for being my teacher. Thank you for teaching me that this kind of love is possible." That's fatherhood. Mike Birbiglia may be 100% correct in his statement. However, he's missed the trust, the joy that time with your children brings, and the love I feel when I look into the eyes of or hold either of my two, little boys. Maybe it's only possible to understand these once you become a parent yourself.